Taoism: Shit happens.
Buddhism: Heya If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Islam: Heya If shit happens, it's the will of Allah
Protestantism: Heya Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism: Heya Why does shit always happen to us?!
Hinduism: This shit happened before in another life
Catholicism: Shit happens because you're bad.
Har Krisna: Shit happens, Rama Rama!
T.V. Evangelism: You are in shit because u never sent me money
Atheism: No shit.
Jehovah's Witness: Knock knock, shit happens.
Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happenin'.
Christian Science: Shit Happens in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't. But who knows.
Existentialism: What is shit anyway?
Stoicism: This shit doesn't bother me.
Rastafarianism: Comwabunga dude Let's smoke this shit!